im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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