They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
