woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
