I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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