you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
