Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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