My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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