i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
