What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
