doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize