what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
