Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
