5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
