Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
