I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
