Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
