dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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