I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
