My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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