Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
