I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
