I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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