I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
