is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
