Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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