Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
