i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
