Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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