Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
