Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
