Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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