so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
