how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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