btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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