If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
