Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

Just be blunt and say drink from my dick

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(248): View more from Michigan

If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after

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(323): View more from California

Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...

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(478): View more from Georgia

She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks

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(289): View more from Ontario

I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I'm the Oprah of jello shots

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(562): View more from California

I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was

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