Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
