You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
