Your tits are I can't wait for
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
