Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's Friday. Sex?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
