Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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