I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize