Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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