but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
