there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize