maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
