Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
