6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
