Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
