Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize