if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
