Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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