tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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