He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
