I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
