I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
