Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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