he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
