Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
high people should be assigned attendants
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
