people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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