I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
