There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They took my balls.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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