She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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