I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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