Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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