i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
