my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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