I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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