i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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