I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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