your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
bring money and cleavage
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
