Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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