Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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