On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
