I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
