I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
