I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize