soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My dick has a subreddit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
