I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
