I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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