well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
