We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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