Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
