Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
