In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
