she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
