Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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