There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i love accidental penises.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
