If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize