I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
