I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need to calm my uterus...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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