I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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