You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
