so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
