sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
