you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
