I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
