Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
