I wish I could teleport
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
