In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
